dianadragonfly: (Default)
My momma called :)

Oh wow!!

Jan. 30th, 2006 08:31 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
My momma just walked out on her factory job!
They pissed her off for the LAST TIME!! hahahahha!
dianadragonfly: (Default)
So, that officemate of mine? I said I'd feed her kitties over the break. Wednesday, the male Siamese was really affectionate but started getting territorial as I moved toward the room with the food and litter. He'd rub against my leg, then hiss. No big problems though. He let me pet him when it was all over, though he no-claw slapped at me on the way out.

Yesterday, spousal unit went with me. I also had on my good shoes and I think that's a huge difference. Perhaps my sneakers smell like my kitties. I do wear them when I change the litter.

Anyway, baby female tiger cat played with s.u. as I changed the litter, did the food, etc. Siamese was wary, but watched from a distance.

Today, I asked s.u. to come in with me, because I said I was a little frightened of Siamese when he wasn't there. He rolled his eyes and stayed in the car.

Sure enough, it happened again. Cat was affectionate until I lifted my foot to tie my shoe, then he freaked out. I HAVE an attack cat, one that hates strangers for the same reasons this one does (is scared of them). I knew how to handle it. Don't push him, don't look at him, DON'T make eye contact. So, I shuffled toward the kitchen with a kitty against my ankle, then

BOOM!

He hit me with full force then ran off. Right above my left ankle. He didn't get his claws in deep enough to bleed because I was wearing jeans. I don't know if he bit or scratched (I wasn't looking at him, remember?) but I have two purple scrapes across my shin and it hurts like hell. It felt less like a scratch or bite and more like someone did a Nancy Kerrigan whacking on my leg with an object. (I was going to say bat or tire iron, but there wasn't that much force. Still, a surprising amount of force for 6 pounds of kitty).

Anyway, I yelled loudly -- one of the few times in my life that I've ever yelled/screamed in surprise. Did spousal unit hear? Nope!
I picked up a trashcan and used it as a buffer between me and kitty cat, but I was so pissed that I didn't care really, if I freaked him out or not.

Trashcan defensive move -- learned from Ollie pig.

Anyway, was too pissed and freaked out to play much with the kitten -- which is sad, because she's lonely. :(

Yeah, I suddenly understand why people don't just not like my attack cat, but actually resent him, even though we have realized his issues and keep him locked up when strangers are in the house. I love kitties, totally understand why that cat was so territorial, but find myself sitting here fuming as if the kitty were capable of plotting and carrying out such an attack.

Oh yeah, I stayed here. My mom was sick again this morning so she totally understood. My mom's health worries me. She's been sick alot lately and the doctor keeps pushing different antidepressants. She's 55, works the second shift, takes care of her parents, her kids, and great aunt and uncle. Of course her problems are all in her head, menopausal crazy woman. Give her more pills.

I've lately got that sick cold feeling that something might be really wrong with her. Something chronic. I know that's just because I lost my dad early, but man. She is absolutely worn out and down on herself all the time. When I talk to her, I tell her not to call herself lazy. I tell her that she isn't allowed to call herself anything she wouldn't call someone else to their face. Golden rule in reverse. Do unto yourself as you do unto others. For people like my mom, that's difficult.

Anyway, I'm gonna sulk some more about my cat attack and then get to work.
:)
dianadragonfly: (Default)
And then I remember how lucky I am to have this pressure.

Am lucky to be torn like this.

and I know it.

I am so fucking grateful for every one that came out for the wedding and spent time and effort and money that they didn't have to come out here and watch me play around in a dress. I will go home on the 3rd. I will. I promise!

T day.

Nov. 25th, 2005 12:25 am
dianadragonfly: (Default)
I am also upset because I don't want go home.

Let me rephrase this: I want to go home. Every fiber of me wants to go decorate my great uncle's room for Christmas, see my mom and my grandma and my little sister.

But I am realizing that staying here will be the difference between starting next week sick and stressed and running behind and hating myself for being behind and starting next week happy and organized, and, well, well.

I need to stay. I slept until about 1 pm today, got up, helped make dinner with hubby, then organized my office. Not an easy feat because my office looks like hurricane Katrina hit it. I shredded enough papers to fill two lawn bags (not quite productive, I know, but therapeutic)

I really need to stay.
But I'm so homesick, I could cry.

I'm done with school on the 3rd and I don't have anything to do until the 9th. I could take off that week. Then I'm booked steady Dec 9-13th. I'm free again from 14-19, I have a doctor's appointment on the 19th, then I'm free until the first Sat. in January.

But I feel so awful. It's not just that I'm letting my family down. It's also because I want to see them more than anything, but I know I can't. The worst thing is that I knew I couldn't about 3 days ago, but I kept trying to make it work, instead of saying "Oh hell, I can't do it."

I'll be home in two weeks. Work be damned.

I also need to fix my schedule with the 4 year old. I can't have my days bookended like this. Maybe, maybe, I'll ask my 12 year old's mom if he can ride the bus to school the three days a week he doesn't ride the bus home. That will give me a little time.

I should email this to her right now.

I am dreading telling my momma that I'm not going home. :(

my sister

Nov. 10th, 2005 02:21 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
from "Four Souls"

"..she and I shared a mind. Children do that when they are left alone to dream up their games. I was half-grown before I knew her feelings weren't my feelings, her thoughts were not my thoughts, her laugh came out of her mouth alone and not mine. Still, the closeness lingered..."

Louise Erdrich

:)
I feel so guilty for railing against my big sister. This quote reminds me of her.

girlfriends

Oct. 9th, 2005 10:27 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
You know what I need?
Besides a swift kick in the ass?

girlfriends.

Why do other girls seem to be on a different planet than I am?

I guess that's not true.  I have some kickass friends. But they're not in this town.  Not here when I need someone to shop for embarassing bridal restraint devices with me (ever tried to hook one of those suckers up by yourself in the dressing room?)  I didn't want to call in the 16 year old folding the panties at the Penny's counter because I was afraid of her sneering at my unshaven arm pits.  Also, dude, I'm in there nekkid.  You gotta KNOW me to see my tits like that. 

I'm at Party warehouse and I don't know if I should buy the orange napkins to tie in with the fall colors, or if they're too gawdy and if I should stick my original marti gras pruple and green.  What about the plates? 

I can remember, years ago, when I was a bridesmaid at a wedding.  Monica was one of the first of my "friends" to get married.  I was to help with the shower (she told me I was the maid of honor so I paid for it and it turned out that I was a bridesmaid.  I put "friends" in quotes because that was high school, where firendships and alliances also meant abuse.  I look back and see how my "friends" treated each other then and I'm glad I don't have any.  Anyway...).

I was helping with this damn shower.  I bought red plastic cups.  My mom was very sympathetic and took them back for the clear plastic cups.  I didn't know the difference.  It was something I did wrong...  the shower was awful...  all these unhappily married women playing a game that I couldn't read the rules to...  the wedding...  *bleh*

I'm sure I think mine is different because it's mine, but man...  I hate this feeling.  I need a girl guide.  Not a girlie girl, because we need to have something in common, but someone who has deep scorn for the bridal restraint device, but not so deep that I'll feel any more conflicted about wearing it. 

I need my sister.
I miss her.  I bitched and complained about her being selfish, but she's not.  I'm trying not to let on how much I absolutely miss her.  It's like...  I don't know what it's like.  I just miss her, that's all.  Not just when I need someone to help me with the hooks on my bridal restraint device.  I just want someone to shoot the shit with.

*sigh*

whine

Oct. 2nd, 2005 10:08 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
My sad, selfinvolved selfish rant.
Read more... )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Worked with my girl today.
:)

Good day.
bought $30 of what the news is calling "African American Hair products" at Sallys for evacuees.

Problem: me = blonde hehehe

I tried to play all cool and act NOT clueless but I finally had to ask to clerk for help.

:)

No naps today. heheheh

Problem -- trying to go to bed early, but the Queensryche benefit concert is being broadcast live. I wanna stay up and record it,

What to do, what to do>

Little sister's birthday. She cried all day because her fiance proposed to her on this day. They've since broken up. But she HATES our grandma.... *sigh* It's always all about my sister. I understand she's struggling, but I get so tired of it.

Sometimes I want things to be about me! Is that bad? How are you? How are you doing? Can I help YOU out?

Then I remember last week all of my friends and family gathered to bless my union with S. with dish towels and cat pillows. Need to remember that.

:)

Jul. 7th, 2005 10:40 am
dianadragonfly: (Default)
family checked in

all seem to be okay

I knew it but it's still good to know it. 
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Am not terribly worried about London right now -- there's no reason to think that my family would have been downtown at that hour.  They're all suburbian dwellers.

Except a few.

I'm trying not to call anyone because I know the systems are jammed and down. 
There is really no reason to suspect anything bad has happened to anyone I love -- in a city that size, just because someone lives in the city, it doesn't mean that they were likely to be there. 

Okay, fuck it, I'm nervous without good call to be.
On 9/11, my sister and cousin lived in New Jersey.  My cousin was a flight attendant on a private airline.  My sister went to New York occasionally, and only in to the WTC rarely for work.  On that day, she was by fluke in the city and got the hell out of dodge before the bridges shit down.  My cousin was stranded at an airport. 

I wasn't worried until my mom and aunt started calling each other.
Then I was really really irrationally worried. 
My cousin calling in and saying they couldn't find my sister was stupid.  Then my mom was like heart attack worried when my sister was miles away from WTC.  There was no reason to thiink she would be lost.  What she should have told my mom was "cell phone towers are down, but I called R's office and they let everyone come home early."  But no -- hysteria ran rampant for a little bit.

I'm waiting for an email from my cousin in London to say all is well.
I know that it is -- chances are sooooo small.
Just a little anxious until that comes in.

So glad my mom and her friends are back from London, though.  This is the type of thing that would just terrify them.   And if they happened to be sighseeing that day *shudder*

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