Apr. 8th, 2008

dianadragonfly: (Default)
So, my school blocks access to livejournal, facebook, and blogger.
If I remember, I can open my client and save a post as a draft.

I don't think I'll have a position next year. That's okay. They didn't really have a use for me this year, expect to fill in the holes in the special education class and therefore avoid getting any real help for a really amazing special ed teacher and driving her out of the field. She lasted 3 years -- about average, from what I understand.

I was told to not deal with the child who bitchslapped me, to let people who know her educational and behavioral plan do it. Great. But I'm with that class 2 or so hours a day. Isn't it my responsibilty to know her plan and know how to deal with her? I mean, I've been hit, punched, kicked, thwapped, swiped at, bit, scratched, etc before. That's part of the job.

That's the hardest part to deal with -- I'm not part of the team. I'm not important. Unless they need me. I'm not trusted to make my own decisions, not guided on making the decisions I end up having to make, not backed up when I have to make one.

So, the kiddo with ADD that I work with for 1-2 hours a day is testing, so I don't see him today.
The kids in the special ed room are either testing or absent, so they don't need me today.
The speech teacher isn't here. She left stuff for me to do but it took like an hour.
It's so hard when I see them running around stressed and upset about paperwork. Dude, I can do the paperwork for you. Trust me. But they don't. After while, it feels like their judging my competence and I know it's just they are too busy to show me. I think. But after the millionth time there's a door closed on something I feel I could contribute to, it bothers me.

It's okay. I complain when I work and I complain when I don't. But I really feel like the district sees aides like me as unimportant and having nothing to offer. We're interchangeable. Expendable. We're not even allowed to talk to parents. We aren't told behavioral plans, IEP goals, etc.

I got to get out of here. I don't know if I want to teach or be a speech path, but I can't be an aide anymore.

Good news is that I got like 5 pages done on a long-overdue poetry paper. I need to work on finishing my MFA and having at least a degree I can show.


dianadragonfly: (Default)

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