Apr. 29th, 2008

dianadragonfly: (Default)
Woke hubby up.
He was sweet. Feel better. Will post soon -- damn my school's lj block

la scoop

Apr. 29th, 2008 11:11 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
No crying today except for when cooking w/ onion.


Last night, I woke hubby up after my post, expecting him to be grumbly because he is super-protective of his sleep. Instead he was sweeter to me than he's been in a long long time.

There is nothing wrong. There is everything wrong. I'm in the horrible situation of knowing that what I want more than anything means that the person I love most in the world will have to give up something he wants more than anything.

I had a really cool potential job here in a new private school that is just opening. But hubby is on a job search so I agreed to leave... I am leaving Northwest Arkansas, my home for the last 6 years. For where?
Hubby applied for a job 2 hours from my hometown.
He's waiting to hear from them.
Meanwhile, he's also applied for a job in my hometown. Considering the situation with my mom and grandma and jordan,the girl I used to work with, I decided it might be time to go back to my family for a while, once I got over my pathological fear and loathing of the place.

I called my old boss about a position I saw advertised.
She offered it to me. It would rock -- it would be absolutely perfect. And after a year, I would be certified as a special ed teacher--something I can't do in Arkansas.Also, it's a new position and a chance to create something that works in a place I already know.

Signs say go. I was heartbroken at leaving, but know that if I go to my home, I will have a chance to help out a little and put things right.

But the job there is crappy for hubby compared to the two hours away job.

The special ed positions in the town hubby wants to go to are not really what I want to do and I don't get a good vibe from them. I would be a new person in an established position.

What we know:
hometown:
me --job -perfect was supposed to tell them Monday if I wanted t
him - possibility but not first choice
he interviews next week
easy job -- could finish his phd

2hours from home:
him: really good job. He should find out soon (like supposed to be last week)
me: interview maybe? job not as good
better continuing ed opps though
here:

me
professional connections
potential professional job net year
degree finishing
him
zilch in job
finish degree??

I'm stuck,knowing that good news for him is bad for me. And vice versa. And I'm not secretly hoping he will not get the job because I KNOW that will fucking crush him. I want... oh hell, I don't know what I want....

fuck

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