dianadragonfly: (Default)
Thanks so much for the Ryche essay comments.
It means so much that you would wade through 40000 pages of my shit.

[livejournal.com profile] musewithamagnum, I miss the hell out of you too.

Today, I was listening to "Chasing Blue Sky" and I heard the perfect line to describe this whole thing --
"You're the rose colored glass I see through"

So, of course, I had to add that.
And I edited the end. The quote at the end from Mindcrime II still doesn't flow as well I would have liked. Anyway, please let me know if you think I should send this to him, or if it would be sort of a desperate fan girl act.
new section and edit )

Long essay

Oct. 18th, 2006 02:24 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
So, this is the essay I started in Seattle.
I wanted to explain the watcher concept. It just went from there.

Notice that I left out anything really to do with women in my life. It ended up being focused on my relationships with men.

Read more... )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
I've been writing something since my Seattle visit. It's sort of everything I wanted to say to GT. It's based on my "plunge" essay but it links Ryche lyrics to certain times in my life. It's been really fun.

I had a BLAST is Seattle.
The second show was really like the first one I'd ever gone to (2 years ago today, vulturechick!!!!) It felt that good and that cathartic. It got it all OUT!! AND AND AND I got my Ryche flag done. And the band signed it. They all said "I saw it last night" And they filmed for the DVD the night I was there with the flag. The person in front of me was dressed like a nun. Dude, we are SO ON THE DVD!!!

I had fun, I really truly did.

I think I had more fun the last night because the fancy ass breakfast was over, my heart had already been broken, along with my wallet. There was no nervousness about getting to meet the band, about whether or not the meet and greet would suck. It was last that first show in Dallas, two years ago, where it didn't even cross my mind that I would ever have access to them. I mean, they're freaking rock stars. I'm me. And when I get access -- a quick hello in the hallway, a soundcheck, a meet n greet, a breakfast, I want to dump all my baggage at their feet, you know. 15 years of needing this band. As the Indigo Girls said "My whole life is on the tip of my tongue."

Anyway, the anticlimax was the breakfast. The second show was a chance to get that excitement back. It was fucking awesome. I stood on my chair and made some eye contact. I also was almost decapitated by the boom on the camera. No eye sex with Whip -- too far back this time. But still -- AWESOME!

I still jump and cringe when there's a gunshot in the act. (avoiding spoilers) It just gets worse. In fact, two of my friends told me to turn around on the first show. There was a gunshot that I hadn't seen before and they warned me, which was good.

I told Scott -- "You hit those drums so hard when Mary dies. Every time, I know what's coming, but I jump and cover my eyes." He laughed. My interactions with Scott have always been amazing. He's such a neat guy.

seattle good
life good

and I got to hang out with [livejournal.com profile] 9thmoon
what more could I want?
dianadragonfly: (Tri-Ryche from www.minclot.com)
I go from euphoria over how much fun I had to feeling like a big stupid dumbass for believing the fancy ass breakfast would be what was promised.

I mean... can't I LEARN>? What the hell is wrong with me? Hello!? I remember the LA fiasco a few years ago.

I'm a dumbass with too much emotional investment in one band. In one man. I give them too much power. And the people around them are eager to exploit that.


I wanna get back to feeling good about Seattle
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Si, I just paid $46 for an angel reading,

Not really. She's a QR fan and has an extra fan club ticket for the 14th I used her angel reading web site to pay her for the ticket. September, you still gonna be there?

My angels are saying "I'm gonna see Queensryche!!!!!!!!!!!"


Feb. 13th, 2006 11:32 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Mary my lady of pain
Always alone
Blind you search for the truth.
I see myself in you.
Parallel lives
Winding at light speed through time

Jesus Christ, this CD is good. Thanks to nasus221for reminding me to listen to it.

I have been sort of Mindcrimed out lately.
I've seen the band four times -- three time, they played Mindcrime. The other time, they played mostly pre-Mindcrime. Yes, I love Screaming in Digital too, but I'd also kill to hear some Q2k or Tribe. My fault, I guess, for not hitting a concert sooner.

I'm sick.
Like congested as hell. Like there is so much crap in my nose that I actually cannot breathe at times. I got a fountain drink and when I tried to suck on a straw, my head and ears popped like they do after a bad airplane ride.
My favorite quote of the day:
A friend: "You poor thing. Go get some zinc."
Me: "Zinc? I'm getting some big-ass antibiotics, that's what I'm getting."

I try to stay away from antibiotics because they make me so sick, but this is week three of this cold. It's safe to say it's now passed into sinus infection stage. I see the doc tomorrow.

Also, I get a cold every six weeks, like clockwork. But I am more worried now -- if this were a movie, we'd cut to a picture of my rheumatologist, right after I'd become his patient. I had told him that I'd been on methotrexate for 10 years and was somewhat cavalier (sp?) about getting my labwork done. He said, "There are three of us in this area that work with methotrexate, and every year, one of us loses a patient to it. That's about 1 in 100."
Me: (thinking of all the time I'd had a beer or two, when I'm really not supposed to) "Liver failure?"
Him: "No, usually some sort of lung infections."

At that point, my chest had been hurting for about a year, so I really sat straight up and listened.

I've always known that my health will be more complicated than other people's. But, lately, I'm starting to really understand that in a way I haven't before. Perhaps it's like my dad's death -- having the journal on here made what was just under the surface become visible as I wrote. Almost all of my entries deal with my dad, when I don't hardly deal with him in rl much.

(My mom, in that sweet 1950s sitcom way, called to check on me on D-Day and said "I know it's our sad day." It was the day the bottom dropped out of our lives, but she calls it "our sad day." Very sweet, very mom, but I prefer D-Day, or Dead-Day, as [livejournal.com profile] paperflowers calls it. We are so cool and full of gallows humor when we're together. Wise in the ways of the world, we see ourselves. Hard to believe that was 6 years ago.)

I think me thinking more carefully about the long-term impact of my rheumatoid and other health issues is just a function of getting older. 30 itself is arbitrary line, but over the past few years, I've really had to do the "What I want to do with my life" thing -- graduating school, getting married, living away from people who take care of me. (Let's face it -- hubby tries, but the day I fainted, he was flabbergasted and half-way tried to catch me, but was in too much shock. All he could say was "You threw up on the floor" I'm on my own here. His family has rather low drama, where as I woke up every morning to my dad puking. Not much except a severed artery phases us, and that I think I could handle, if I had enough towels.)

Having that serious health crisis last year at this time, which was diagnosed as everything from mono to depression to narcolepsy (I think narcolepsy is correct) really hammered it home.... it was part of the mini catharsis I had that day in Tahoe, when I just took off walking for an hour or two. I'm going to have to face some scary things by myself and my health is one of them. I can die from this, particularly as I get older and no longer have the "young and healthy" thing going for me.

That being said, my chances of dying from this now aren't very large.
As I get older and have spent more of my life on medicine and the disease process works, my chances will increase. I have already spent almost half my life taking at least one pill a day, sometimes upwards of ten.

I exaggerate the risks of this because I struggle to wrap my head around them. What will probably happen is that the rest of my life will be like this -- cycles of flare and remission, managed by medication. There will be stretches of weeks or months where my feet hurt, and I consider buying a scooter, or my hands hurt, and I can't type. There will also be stretches where I can do marathons and pick up the kids I work with, and lift 100 lb clients out of wheelchairs and onto beds and toilets. I will get a little bit worse and a little bit better, but god willing, not a lot worse. So far, I only have minimal irreversible damage and that's the stuff that hurts like hell, once the cartilage starts going away. (poor feet. I wish I had appreciated you and how wonderful you were back when you were all there.) I imagine I will start to get worse gradually as damage happens, but I'm not looking at terrible disability, I don't think. Not like I was when I was 15.

There are chances, though, of scary shit, of lung infections and pneumonia and heart attacks. I imagine that will eventually get me. I have always thought that I wouldn't live past my 50s, but I think that's a natural thought in someone who had a parent die young. There's lymphoma and leukemia, both of which I'm at an increased risk for. And what sort of side effects will they find from the biologic agents? Those things scare me even more than chemicals, for some reason.

I'm sure this latest bout of stuffiness is brought on by my predisone and by taking my methotrexate last week, even though I knew better. It'd been three weeks though! My feet were hurting.

That's enough wallowing in self-pity. To tell you the truth, I don't feel sad or upset. Annoyed, perhaps, that super-thick-don't-squeeze-the-charminn-alien-monster-snot is blocking my nose, but I generally feel good. I've gotten a lot done (I love you, provigil) and I'm just sort of stopping to collect the random thoughts that come to me as I blow my nose for the 50, 000th time.

The Ryche mix on my computer is on a live version of "Anybody Listening?"
Nice moment to sign off.

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone that sees what's going on?
Read between the line, criticize the words they're selling.
Think for yourself.
And feel the walls become sand...
beneath your feet....

Feel the breeze?
Time's so near, you can almost taste the freedom.
There's a warm wind from the south.
Hoist a sail and we'll be gone.
By morning this will all seem like a dream.

If I don't return to sing a song,
Maybe just as well.
I've seen the news, and there's not much I can do....

dianadragonfly: (Default)
No longer to I try in vain to show my students I am Just Like Them (tm) but older.
I was never Just Like Them when I was one of them. So, as part of embracing my eccentric academic geek-girl, I've been wearing funky things to class (the poncho my sister got my in Bolivia, A line pleated shirt with sweater twin set, etc.) and I am not hiding my affection for all things Ryche.

See the post below:

dianadragonfly: (Tri-Ryche from www.minclot.com)
I can no longer access the new Queensryche track and have fallen into a deep depression because I didn't manage to capture it.

Someone please HELP!

dianadragonfly: (Tri-Ryche from www.minclot.com)
Dear God, sometimes I love the internet, although I know illegal song leaks are very bad things (tm)

Still... it was like getting a postcard from an old friend.

And it's the watcher concept, in song! yay Geoff! I just need to figure out how to capture it before it goes away!

In more-legal news concerning the band, I've started a livejournal for our street team. [livejournal.com profile] vulturechick, I stole your name. So sorry. But it was too fucking cool to waste and you know I'll share any goodies with you. [livejournal.com profile] anarkansas_x. Street teams are people that promote the album in their area and submit a journal and pictures of them doing it in order to win some QR merchandise. I don't think we'll win but it'll be fun. I haven't really designed the community very well at all, but I thought it might be fun to have it online.

Anyway... check it out Ryche fans. And help with formatting appreciated.
dianadragonfly: (Default)
I have a student that looks just like Billy Boyd. I was actually surprised when he wasn't speaking with a scottish accent. Considering my Billy Boyd thing that lasted for quite awhile, this could be baaaaaaddddddd.........muwahahahahha

On the same subject, but seriously...Read more... )


Jan. 16th, 2006 09:31 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Dear [livejournal.com profile] vulturechick and all other interested.
Read about our favorite pecker - I mean chicken -- here. Make sure you look through the gallery to see us choking the chicken.

dianadragonfly: (Default)
Well-- everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?
Live Journal Quotes -- my year in review
January-July right now )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
And, because I haven't thought in song lyrics in a long time, I present:
The Theraputic Typing of Lyrics! (TTTL). )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Oh I like being back!
A day or two off and look at me. Spam spam spam. Here and on QR.com.

I am making two photo collections on my computer -- yo uknow, the homemade DVD with pictures, video clips, and music and/or narration in the background. One is for my mom's England trip and the other is for the respite program (to say -- give us money!!) I'm trying to think of respite songs. I have "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant because that just captures the joy of it, I think.

I need a QR song.

It can't sound too metal (conservative donors, etc) and I think Take Hold of the Flame might be out because of that. Best I can, I am worried that people will get stuck on the intro and not catch the rest of it ("but none of our kids had a gun accident") .

Falling Behind?
Some People Fly?

There is a Trisha Yearwood song that was on Extreme Home Makeover that might be good. Most of the kids like country.

Any suggestions? I want joyful, not too sentimental. Because it's always a joyful experience. Nothing like that terrible "Don't Laugh at me" song that was on the radio a few years ago. Maybe some Garth? All I know is old Garth. Didn't "Standing outside the fire" have a video about the special olympics?

holy shit

Sep. 12th, 2005 01:09 am
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Awesome...post concert buzz.... but I didn't have to leave my home.

worth the lost sleep
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Live Queensryche concert.
Should be in bed.
Dammit, this is the only two hours I've had to myself all week.
dianadragonfly: (Default)
The problem with loving a band that has a clue is that most of their fans don't.
From Qr.com )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
so I can't spell

I'm typing on my travel/dad essay.
And "Beside You" comes on Ryche radio.

dammit Kevin. There's tears in my fukkin eyes.

I've tried to give to you
What you need to get you through
I'll always be Beside You.


dianadragonfly: (Default)

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