Oct. 21st, 2006 11:53 am
dianadragonfly: (Default)
I HATE, well, everything.
My left eye is doing something strange. I find it easier to keep it closed. But my right eye was my lazy eye for years and I don't so so well with it.
It's like the outer field of vision is blurred.

I got an email from a programmer I talk to and he totally blew me off. But I NEED HIS HELP so the kid I work with can have a voice.

Last night, I had to stop in Fort Smith and buy an alternator. Hubby had to change it. Had I gone to Iowa like planned, I would have been stranded somewhere on 71 when it went out.

I'm feeling sort of helpless and inadequate. Like I bust my ass but it's still not enough.

I need to remind myself that it is the PMS talking.
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Dear god I hate Sprint's website.
Just so you know.
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Jesus Christ!
I know I turned 30, but if the AARP calls me one more time, I'll scream! :)


Feb. 12th, 2006 06:49 pm
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ooohhh yeah.
My computer speakers have been dying for a while, so today at Sam's, I got some Bose speakers for $50.
Dude... I'm sitting here jamming.
I know I paid this much for my old speaker set, and while it had a sun woofer and LOOKED more impressive (and could rattle my feet with the subwoofer) this sounds so much better. I can hear nuance in the music that usually I don't hear unless I have headphones on.

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Does anyone know of a good way to put money away for my goddaughter, in her name, where her mother can't get it and she can't get it until she's 18 or 21? I thought about a college fund, but I lose that if she doesn't go to college.
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So, I went to best buy and a really sweet guy named Michael "fixed" my laptop connection.
By turning it on with the keyboard hotkeys.
*smacks self*

I SWEAR I did that a few times.... Oh well. It works and I don't have to send my baby off through the mail.
Now I'm making copies of my karaoke DVDs. bought 5 before my wedding f$5 each. It was the best $20 I spent on entertainment. There's something awesome about having your arms around all of your cousins, wearing a wedding dress, belting out "we are family!"

But.... I see these DVDs at Hastings, USED, fetching $25 a piece. Chances are slim that I'll ever use them again. I brought them once to respite and it was sort of awful. Godbless the girl that did the singing, but, well... she sings as well as I do. if that tells you anything. So I'm making a DVD backup in case I ever need to hear anyone singing "Margaritaville" and them I'm trading them in at Hastings. I'm such a bad girl.
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So guess what? The friend of mine decided to come here to see a band for her birthday -- so I put on my bar-slut shirt and went out there and danced and flirted and giggled with the band and my friends. :) Was lots of fun.

I'm so glad I went.
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Took a shower.
put on a bar slut shirt that I've had for a year and won't wear. Heading out to find my peeps. thanks for the boost, people.
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Can't shake this.
I'm trying. It's not as if I go "oh, it February -- must be depressed."
I go -- "Man, I feel different. It's really bad. What's wrong?" Then I remember, oh yeah, it's Feb.

A friend has a birthday party and I don't want to go.
I want to wallow.
no, I don't want to wallow. I want to do anything and everything possible not to feel like this, but I don't want to have to do anything.

We had 8 hours of training again today. I have never wanted to stab myself in the eye with my own pen so badly. I can't sit in a room for 8 hours anymore.

The leader knows my Mariah, the first kid I worked with. I mentioned her, and she said "I was her very first foster mommy. I was there when __________*insert a detail of horrible abuse here that identifies her by the physical markings it left*" The woman said she wanted to keep her. I felt ill. My Mariah could have been "saved" then. Had she gotten more than 2 hours of staffing per day, Maria wouldn't be in the condition she was in when I saw her.
One day, someone needs to answer for what was done to her. What happened is that as M. grew, she was harder and harder to take care of and bounced from home to home to home. People say over and over that she is the most severely autistic person that they have ever known. Add abuse and instability -- man --
I've always seen this as a "shit happens" case. But to know that she could have been happy and healthy and living with my supervisor had she had just a little more support -- that agency is evil. They justify it, say that take kids no one else will take, like the dual diagnosis kids, etc. No one else CAN take these kids once they have been through this agency.
Community and home based waiver is failing.
Institutions aren't the answer.
Arkansas has something like 16000 people in their institutions that costs the state 600-900 dollars a day.Waiver caps out at $160 a day. And they wonder why there is no staff for waiver. Our institutions (illegal under Olmsted!) suck our resources.

Driving home, I was just so angry... my little guy screaming all night and smearing shit because his tooth hurts.
The boys in the detention center, snoring and screaming in their sleep. My Mariah, locked in her house, her plan calling for institutionalization and 23 hour a day restraints. My Kayla, shipped away. My Angela, in her home in my hometown, wondering where her mommy is. I can't do it sometimes, I can't be part of this system any more...
When the mom of this one girl I work with talks on and on about how hard she has it, I just want to cry "you have no idea."

I can't take this on for them anymore.
But they can't take it on themselves....
But I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm sick of caring. Why does it matter if the 12 year old learns to make his bed if his next staff doesn't care? Why did I work so hard on toilet training Angela if she went back to diapers when I left? I'm about to give up.
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So, I've called tech support about my network card.
Are they supposed to curse or mention that they are hungry? Just wondering...
dianadragonfly: (Default)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Dianadragonfly!

  1. Dianadragonfly became extinct in England in 1486.

  2. Dianadragonfly was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes.

  3. Banging your head against dianadragonfly uses 150 calories an hour!

  4. Dianadragonfly is the world's smallest mammal.

  5. Dianadragonfly, from the movie of the same name, had green blood!

  6. Dianadragonfly will become gaseous if her temperature rises above -42°C!

  7. Early thermometers were filled with dianadragonfly instead of mercury.

  8. In 1982 Time Magazine named dianadragonfly its 'Man of the Year'.

  9. A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for dianadragonfly, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life.

  10. Without dianadragonfly, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand!

I am interested in - do tell me about


Jan. 12th, 2006 01:41 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
My hubby just attached a book holder to his exercise bike.
With a flip light.
It's so cute ...

My mom told him to watch where he was going.
I told him to wear a helmet.

We're buying him a Lance Armstrong yellow jersey soon.


Jan. 4th, 2006 09:36 pm
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Oh yeah, check out the the latest hooters calendar!Read more... )
dianadragonfly: (Default)
Well-- everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?
Live Journal Quotes -- my year in review
January-July right now )
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We are 15" behind in rainfall.
There were no fireworks at first night because of the burn ban.
One neighboring state is totally engulfed.
We've been under a wind advisory all day. It' still 65 degrees and the wind is about 30 mph.

And my neighbor across the street has a charcoal grill going... a fire about 2 foot tall. Hubster and I stood on the porch and watched embers settle in the leaves by my car. I couldn't stand it. I crossed the street in my pooh-head slippers and stood at the front porch. There was a stairway to the house of the firebug, but the little grill was snapping and popping and I was wearing flammable animal heads on my feet. So I stood there and hollered "hello?"

No answer.

Braving spontanous pooh-head combustion, I climbed up the steps and beat on the door. RA makes my knuckles SORE so beating on a door is hard -- even more so where there's vicious wind.

Neighbor came out, promised to put a lid on the fire. First he tried to tell me it was all okay, then a gust of wind sent embers everywhere as we talked. He's just grilling stakes he said. I wanted to say "steaks and a Nissan Altima" but I was polite and meek. That tends to make things not a confrontation. "Your fire's freaking me out a little. Can you stay by it? We're watching the embers hit the trees."

But yeah, where was hubby during all this?
On the porch watching me.

If he'd gone with me, it might have been a confrontation. But I feel like, hey man! Thanks for the support.

I'm sure he would have run across the street and ripped the flaming Winnie the Poohs off my feet if needed.

It's so hard being the butch one.
dianadragonfly: (Default)
I'm sitting on the edge of my seat because a large tabby cat has taken my chair.
Another large tabby and white cat is on my monitor and keeps swishing his tail across the screen.

Life in the cathouse!

Oh yeah, I'm 30!!!!
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So, I enter the final hours of the last day of my 20s.
I'm no longer a punk kid.
I'm too old to be precocious or a prodigy or girlwunder. All of those "you will cure cancer by the time you're 25" predictions are losing their pressure. I'm just a boring adult like everyone else.
I have experience in my field.
I have some authority.
I'm good at what I do: working with kids, writing, and sometimes even teaching.

I am going to like being 30 and officially some sort of grown-up.

The poor husband just burned himself cooking my stuffed pork chops, home-made bread, mashed potatoes, salad, and apples and pears in rumsauce with homemade vanilla bean ice cream.

I think I like this marriage thing too.


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