I've sort of hit a breakthrough in how I deal with my scheduling. this
entry sort of explains it, but it's not just be organized and Day-Timer perfect. It's about having some sort of life where I can be busy, work toward my goals, and not hate myself when my health gets in the way.
Here's the link to the article:Time Management for Those with Disabling Conditions
I think the movie "I Remember Me"
also helped as well, in some bizarre way.
I'm not just lazy and un-organized. I don't have to spend so much time hating myself that I can't get work done. I don't have to cancel all of my jobs and let down all of my families so that I can manage my health. If I really and truly thought I would be better by canceling my jobs, I would.
Anyway, there's a certain peace and well-being that's hit me. I don't have to do what I'm not capable of. I can't hide behind the health excuse when it comes to what I can do. And to know the difference...?
To know the difference, I need to pick at least a few high priority things to get done each day. The first will be something for my school (writing) or my class. The second will be for my job(either paperwork, research, making pecs, etc. Discovery Toys counts here). Third house. (medical, financial, car etc. paperwork, bill paying,all counts too). No freaking out and trying to clean the house when I should be grading. No doing work stuff when I should be writing. I will do one of each, at least a good hour or two of clear effort on one of each, and then I will refuse any guilt for what is not done.
I'm sick, dammit, but I want a life too.
Right now, I stay awake late with frantic, guilt induced energy, knowing it's too late to do anything big, but what if I do one more thing? Like now. It's 11:39 and I just cleaned out the cat litter. I really want to clean up my office a little bit, but that's a three hour task. I need to get my papers graded, as always.
Organize and grade some papers (school)
Paperwork for UCP (work)
finish filling out my medical reimbursement paperwork/ call my doctor to get his part of it (domestic)
laundry (at least one load)
write more on my book (it's going along great!)
This could happen.
It really could.
In bed, by midnight, watching the Daily Show.